The Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

Six years ago this would have earned a baffled look from me. Shopping for clothes on my own? I could not see the point, and I assumed it would be dull. I still hear the same doubts from other people: how can you eat out alone, how can you travel alone, is it not risky, is it not boring, and then a story about a cousin of a friend who had a miserable time. So let me answer all of it at once.

It is fine to eat alone, to shop alone, to sit somewhere doing nothing at all with nobody beside you. It is fine to take yourself to the swings in the park and watch the world pass while smiling at your own thoughts. It is fine to do the things you have always wanted to do, including sitting under a sky full of stars with a blanket around your shoulders.

The park bench test

There is nothing awkward about being happy in your own company. Say hello to a stranger and offer help if it is needed. Talk to the person beside you on the train. You have no idea what friendship or adventure might be waiting on the other side of that first sentence.

The key is to be content, and to be good company for yourself. That takes confidence, a smile and a certain amount of patience. It also takes alertness and a sense of responsibility, because when you are alone you are the only person looking after you.

What other people will tell you

Do not let anyone decide what you should not do on your own. Turn the objections into plans, and keep your attention on what you actually want. If there is somewhere you long to go, do not wait for a companion who may never clear their calendar. Go. People who care will find a way to join you, and the ones who do not were never going to.

Supportive family and friends are a gift, and it matters to know you can fall back on them. Their absence at a particular moment, though, is not a reason to stay home. Do not let a lack of company cost you an opportunity you were afraid to take by yourself.

The magic, plainly

People are good, and so is most of what surrounds us. The magic is not hidden somewhere over the horizon; it is in the ordinary freedom to go, look, taste and linger without waiting for permission. Believe that you can do it and you will surprise yourself. The stories about people who are happy and alone are not fiction.

If you like this sort of thing, I have written other pieces in a similar mood: On the banks of the Neckar, Next stop: Solitude, and If only....

Love and good vibes to you, wherever this finds you. XOXO.